In search of lost Cheerios



THERE’S NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE…

“Romanian potatoes.”

Potatoes?” Nigel says, holding the microphone under my chin.

“Yes, and tomatoes. And brinza, the crumbly white cheese, best in the world. I’m serious, Nigel, if you’re asking me about my first impressions, from the early days, I want to include the food. It evokes powerful memories, emotions.“

“Marcel Proust would probably agree,” says Nigel. I’m glad to hear it. We’ll get to Marcel later.

My friend Nigel is working in an interesting project, interviewing non-Romanians about why they came to Romania, why they stayed here, and how they see it.  He has recorded 35 people so far, one hour each, and hopes to put the answers on radio, on the Internet and in a book. Nigel is inspired by Studs Terkel, an historian and broadcaster, who interviewed over 7000 Americans in the 1930s and ‘40s, to create a remarkable collection of oral history, preserved forever in the Library of Congress.

I don’t think Nigel plans to do so many, but the results are sure to be interesting.

When the interview is finished, he packs away his expensive recording gear and promises to get in touch, when he’s edited and transcribed our chat.  Bye for now.

That evening, I boil some potatoes, let them cool and eat them with brinza and tomatoes, olive oil and herbs, on my balcony looking out over Bucharest. It’s a perfect meal for summer 2012, but in my mind, it’s autumn 1994 and I’m here for the first time. Nigel was right about Proust: certain foods have a magical effect.

You’ve surely heard of Marcel Proust, but just in case, I’ll explain the connection.

In his most famous novel, In Search of Lost Time, published in 1913, the narrator eats a madeleine cake dipped in tea, the taste of which triggers an intense flashback to his childhood in a French village, and the seven-volume novel unfolds. Proust called this feeling  ‘involuntary memory’ – as opposed to voluntary memory when we consciously try to recall the past – and his idea helped to popularize the development of modern psychology. Today, we readily accept that tastes or smells or a combination of both can trigger our deepest memories, as they did for Marcel.

But back to the present.

A few days after Nigel’s visit, I’m shopping in Cora and buy some Cheerios, because I like the bright logo and I can’t remember the last time I ate them. Back home, mid-afternoon, I rip open the packet because I love cereal, anytime. It’s fast and tasty, just add cold milk and eat a spoonful and hey…. wow, what’s happening…?

Suddenly, I’m no longer sitting in Bucharest. I’m in Toronto, I’m aged 9 or 10, staying with my British uncle and Canadian aunt. They’ve invited my elder brother Eddie and I to visit for two weeks, because mum is in hospital back in Liverpool and dad work nights in a factory, sleeps all day and would find it difficult looking after us as well. So, we came to Canada.

It’s an incredible place. Uncle’s car is big; his fridge is big and we can drink cold apple juice from that big carton inside. The yummy brown stuff is peanut butter and my aunt sits in the garden, orders food by phone and some guy brings it in a box, by motorbike. Imagine that? It’s called pizza. And for breakfast, we have Cheerios with milk. Dead tasty. I send a postcard from Niagara Falls, to Mum and Dad and finish with the words: Wish you were here.

It was perhaps that trip to Canada that made me want to see the world, to travel far and wide as soon as I left high school. Back then, I was in love with France, and, these days, whenever I taste Dijon mustard, I’m 18 years old again, standing outside a café in Lyon, trying to hitch a ride south. French mustard is milder and tastier than English mustard, which, of course, reminds me of roast beef and serving Sunday mass every week as an altar boy, dressed like a Christmas tree.

My favourite dessert in an Indian restaurant is Gulab Jamun. As you may know, it’s a small, round cake in sugary syrup. I find the taste triggers such vivid memories that, whenever I eat Gulab Jamun, I am transported back in time. I am sitting in a café in Lucknow, on lunch break from my job at a local university, working with student journalists.

I picture my friend Rajiv sitting alongside, pointing across a busy road to an old statue of some guy in a long coat clutching a book. We can hear laughter and applause because a young bride and groom are having their photo taken, nearby.

“For good luck,” says Rajiv. “We call it the Honeymoon Statue. Or sometimes, when we celebrate our Hindu god Hanuman, we call it the Hanuman statue.”

Now I’m lost, and ask, “So who’s the statue of? Who’s the guy in the coat with the book?”

“Samuel Hahnemann,” says Rajiv. “The father of homeopathy. German, I think.”

The name rings a bell, and, after a moment I say, proudly, “Hey, I’ve heard of him. He invented homeopathy in a basement in Sibiu. It’s a museum now, the Brukenthal.”

Now Rajiv seems lost. “Sibiu, where’s that?”

“In Romania, my adopted home.”

I watch the young couple and wonder if they know about clever Hahnemann. Rajiv still looks puzzled and says, “Romania? Oh, how interesting. I thought you lived in England. So how do you like Romania?”

It’s a good question, and I will definitely mention the potatoes.

***

Dear Reader, please rate my story, see yellow stars, above, top left? Thank you! MO

(First published in Playboy, July&August edition, 2012 by S.C. Mediafax Group SA, Romania).

Viking on the run


VENI, VIDI, PERDITUS

The email is short and smug: Do you want to run the London marathon next year? It comes from a friend who has just finished this year’s race in 4 hours 38 minutes. He raised £5000 for the Red Cross, including a small donation from me. I think about his proposal and then I write back: I’ll think about it.

I hesitate because I ran the London marathon in 2001 and, despite the hype, I found the route disappointing: – dismal suburbs for fifteen miles and no historic sights until the last four miles, by which time I was too knackered to enjoy them. But the real reason is that my last marathon, in 2007, which was my 5th, did not go to plan. It went haywire, frankly, and I’m not sure I’ll do another.  Want to know why? Got your shoes on? Good, let’s go. Back in time.

One cold January day, I’m jogging through thick fog around Faurei, rural Romania, when I meet a shepherd in a big woolly coat who asks if me I have seen any sheep in the fields. Sheep? I can hardly see my feet. I tell him no, sorry.

The well-wrapped shepherd chews his grass, gives me the once over and says: Are you a crazy jogger from the West, training for a marathon?

I shake my head as I run on, but now I’m thinking: Maybe I am, and it’s time for another one, number 6? I glance back at the shepherd, who has disappeared into the mist. Was he sent to prophesy? Or am I going mad, out here…?

Next time I’m online, I check my options and choose the Anglesey marathon, nine months off, in late late-September. Let me tell you about Anglesey, because I know it well from summer holidays as a kid.

Its an island off North Wales with stunning views of mountains, a remote and desolate place. The Romans conquered it, in 78 AD, but the hard-ass Vikings failed, in 900 AD. Local Welsh warriors chased them while Druid priests chanted in victory. This is highly relevant, I feel, because my family has Viking roots, so maybe I should go back and avenge my scaredy-cat ancestors? Conquer Anglesey alone? By Odin, it would be about time.

Come spring, back in Bucharest, I increase my weekly mileage and monitor my heart rate, all that technical stuff, doing well. But something unexpected lies ahead: by mid-July, Bucharest is baking at 46C.  Global warming, maybe? Long runs become tricky unless I start them at 5 am. I run a few 20 milers, but not enough.

Late in August I get another surprise: I have to go to India for a month to work, which compromises a crucial period of my training, especially as I fly back from India to Europe only 24 hours before my marathon. I can hear the Druids chuckling down the centuries: Viking, you stupid or what?

Time to focus. After my 9-hour overnight flight from Delhi, I land in the UK at 7 a.m and take a train from London to my mum’s place in Liverpool, planning to eat lots of carbohydrates and other relevant goodies when I get there – pasta plus broccoli, and some pomegranates. But due to circumstances beyond my control, when I arrive in Liverpool. I have to settle for sandwiches and a cup of tea. And another cup of tea, chatting away with my mum, the way you do, the PG Tips flowing like wine. Time is tight and so is my head.

An old school friend has offered to drive me to Anglesey but we depart into a setting sun that dips over over Penny Lane with a fiery glow, beckoning me forward to North Wales, if I dare.

It’s 9pm by the time we reach Anglesey, where the chef of my pre-booked hotel refuses to cook me a hot meal because it’s too late, mate. I tell him I’m running the marathon, mate. Try the pub, he says, taking off his apron. He’s had a long day, poor fellow. I don’t tell him about my long flight and that I am, well, starving,

The pub has a sign outside that says Warm Welcome Guaranteed and a sour-faced landlady inside who says: come again? But I don’t think I will, somehow, because she will not cook me any pasta either. Why?

Perhaps she can tell I am one of those Vikings, here to rape and pillock. Perhaps my fleecy hat has sprouted horns? Should I axe her politely? There seems little point and so, instead, for my pre-marathon carbo-load dinner, in a chilly corner of the pub, I eat a bag of roast peanuts and a bag of crisps. The locals give me the kind of chilly looks I remember as a kid on my summer hols: you’re not from round here, are you? My friend sips coffee, on edge. I drain my juice and we head back to the hotel. I need sleep. It’s time to get to bed.

Problem is, the hotel is overbooked so my caffeinated driver settles in a chair in my room to watch Hits of The 80′s on MTV. I lie in bed a few feet away listening to Nik Kershaw and wishing I was in Spandau, at least it would be quiet. I drift off eventually, but I swear I can hear the Druids laughing at me: welcome back, boyo.

I rise, zombie-like, at 6 am, tired and hungry. En route to the race, I get a weak coffee and two granola bars from a garage, but I know from five previous marathons that this will not be enough. And I’m right.

The Anglesey Marathon 2007 starts under a brooding sky at 10 am with 500 runners, all looking fit and happy, and me, feeling like shit. I shuffle along half asleep. My first 5 miles feel like 10, but somehow, my feet wake up and I reach the halfway point in 2 hours and now entertain giddy delusions of success: I can finish in under 4 hours, my target? Have I discovered a whole new Hindi-based training system – The Red-Eye Rocket?

No! The Welsh hills wind fight back with windy vengeance. Mile 22, I hit the infamous ‘wall’, and it feels like it is made of Welsh slate. My heart rate is sky-high and I sense that if I don’t slow down, I will perish like my barmy Viking ancestors. So, I take it easy and crawl to the finish line on 4 hrs 34 minutes – aching with disappointment, my training wasted. Ironically enough, by some twist of fate, the beautiful young Welsh woman giving out the medals slips not one, but two of them into my quivering paw. She vanishes and I’m too tired to go after her and give it back. Plus, I feel as if I have run 52 miles, not 26. I’ll give it to my nephew in Liverpool. He likes athletics. It might inspire him.

Anyway, enough mistakes, let’s finish on a wise note. Voltaire once said every misfortune brings a privilege, and he’s right, because I’m privileged to be able to run at all. I also know, more than ever, that no matter how well plan our lives, even 9 months ahead, they can unravel in 24 hours or less. That’s a lesson I won’t forget.

What else? Next time I train for a marathon, it will not be during summertime in a boiling city. And next time I take a long haul flight, I will not run a marathon 24 hours later.

If you’re a runner, you know why you run. If you’re not, give it a try – it might change your life.

As for Anglesey, some people probably enjoyed those steep, howling hills, but, if and when this skinny Viking ever goes back, he will take more supplies and ask Mr. Kirk Douglas to drive him.

***

[First published in FHM, July 2010, by S.C Sanoma Hearst Romania SRL].

This Place Will Explode



September, 2008, Bucharest. I’m checking email when I see a newsflash in the corner of my laptop screen: 5 bombs in Delhi. 20 dead, 90 injured. Quickly I click the link, fearful for my friends in India’s capital. Bloody images swim before me and I read the details, gawp at photos of carnage amid plumes of smoke. As it clears, I’m drifting back in time, trying to remember something that an Indian colleague told me when I was in New Delhi, five months ago. Some sort of warning. Is there a connection, to what just happened?

It’s April 2008, Delhi. I’m in India for two months, advising academics and training journalists. I’m sitting in a cab with Raj, a colleague from a local TV station. He’s tall and wiry with pressed shirts and shiny shoes. He’s helpful and witty, speaks fast, caffeine coursing through his veins, 24/7.

The scorched streets are jammed with traffic, horns blasting. Skinny guys pedal rickshaws through impossible gaps. Hawkers sell glossy magazines, phone chargers and plastic toys. Beggars swamp our car in threadbare clothes and worn out flip-flops. Some are old and blind led by kids with messy hair. Some are middle-aged amputees. But most are young and quick, eager to charm us. It’s bedlam out there, a daily fight for survival. So much for the Indian economic miracle. Raj catches my eye and shrugs.

“When you see this every day, you become hardened. Soon, you don’t see them anymore. Or, you see them as subhuman.”

The sweet smell of sandalwood incense hangs in the humid air. Florists spread dazzling bouquets on their stalls. A beautiful young cow ambles past, glassy eyed and chewing. For all the mayhem, India is weaving some ancient spell on me. And subhuman doesn’t sound good.

I’m wondering how to reply but Raj changes tack. Now he’s talking context, bigger picture and complaining about capitalism:

“It fractured our middle class. The top half jumped to the upper class. But the lower half is sliding into the slums. And we’re part of the problem, you and me. We feed this inequality.”

He may be right. But the more he squirms in our hot car, the less he convinces me. It’s a familiar campus mantra: Left is good, right is bad. I offer the only solution I can think of:

“Stop beating yourself up, Raj. We’re not shoving toxic dust down the throats of migrant child workers. We’re training journalists. That’s our professional contribution and media calls politicians to account. But if you want to get personal, just give these guys some change.”

I poke a few tatty banknotes through the window. Fingers snatch them, gone in a flash. Mucky kids press for more, their dark gaze drilling me: Where’s mine, firang?

Raj seems vaguely amused, perhaps by my naivete? Then he tells me that he and his flatmate employ a maid. She came to Delhi from a dusty village, seeking a better life. She scrubs their clothes, cooks their food and cleans up.

We pay her 400 Rupees per month,” he adds.

Conversion: €6. If that’s a better life, her village must be hell on earth.

“It’s peanuts,” admits Raj, “But if we pay more, people in our block will say we’re lunatics.”

“So what?” I ask. “A little extra would mean a lot. Can’t you give her a rise?”

“I could,” Raj admits, “But… my flatmate gives her old clothes and stuff. Payment in kind.”

“And what do you do?” I ask.

“I watch,” says Raj, looking out at the bustling street. He asks the driver to boost the AC and shakes his head: “Such traffic, every day.”

The memories fade and I’m back in Bucharest, scanning the Internet, focusing again.

The Delhi bombs were downtown in Connaught Place, a busy spot. And as shrapnel does not discriminate, it seems the victims ranged from underclass urchins to upper class shoppers. I remember Raj saying he couldn’t afford to buy stuff there. So he’s probably safe.

But the stats make grim reading: more than 400 people have been killed in a series of bombings across India since October 2005. Some people blame Hindu extremists, some blame a Bangladesh-based militant group, Harkat-u-Jihad-al-Ismlami. But this time, a group named Indian Mujahideen emailed local news media before the blasts, apparently to claim responsibility. Stop us if you can.

Less than a month ago, Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh said terrorism, extremism, communalism and fundamentalism would be the major threats to India’s unity. I can’t help thinking that whichever ‘–ism’ was responsible this time, someone has underlined his point.

Chetan Bhagat, a popular author in India, reckons the country is controlled by greedy septuagenarian megalomaniacs who forget the average Indian is 25 and has different needs.

I finish browsing, dazed. Near my laptop sits a small statue of Ganesh the Hindu deity, the boy with an elephant’s head. A goodbye gift from a friend who said: “He will protect you.”

Finally, I remember. Something else Raj told me after a long silence in our slow taxi, in a city of 14 million people, in a country where some 260 million live below the poverty line:

“One day, this place will explode. Real violence. I’m surprised it hasn’t already.”

I turn Ganesh in my hands, wondering if Raj is right. And hoping he is wrong.

***

(First published in FHM, November 2008, three weeks before the Mumbai attacks, by S.C Sanoma Hearst Romania SRL, Photo by Salman Usmani).