If you love Blues, this is the place for you. Below, we play trombone to some of the greats.
1. Blimin’ Horlix
Blimin’ Horlix was born in a moccasin but moved away as a teenager, when his father threatened to turn his guitar the right way up. Blimin’ is well known for his blistering fretwork on Puppet On A String by Petula Clarkson-Missiisspiiisi, and other tremendous hits. After trying to inject plutonium into his fingers, sadly he died on New Year’s Eve in 1959, just before the 60′s, which he probably would have invented.
2. Grub E. Tapwater
The legendary Tapwater only ever recorded half a song, in 1893. If you ever hear it, I’ll have to find someone else even more obscure. The song has only two chords, E and A. It was called: I Woke Up This Morning When My Alarm Clock Went Off and it is visceral in its powerpoint presentation. He sold the other half of the song to the Devil, who was at the bus stop. Grub sadly died in 1894 after a poisonous chat with Robert Johnson who refused to teach him the chord B7. Don’t tell me you’ve heard of Grub E. Tapwater, because I bet you haven’t.
3. Jim Morose One
Jim Morose One was born in Leathertrousers, USA and never wore a shirt. As a young child he had a mystical mystery with a dead Apache, and decided to sing like one. He was the illegitimate 7th son of Che Hemingway and Lola Shotgun, and wrote the famous song Light My Willy. His girlfriend Tonto found him dead in the bath in Doncaster and he was later buried in Paris at the famous Repair les Chairs cemetery, under Arthur Rimrod.
4. Plob Towncar
Plob Towncar is the most talented musician, writer and spokesman for an entire generation gap who never lived. Just ask him. Plob was a founder member of legendary Bwitish Mod band The Who Signed These, along with Roger D-d-d-diatribe and swivel-eyed drummer Meek Venus. There was a bass-player too, Patrick Thistle.
Plob was best-known for driving his Union Jock Mini Cooper into the audience at full volume. Plob is very modest, well-spoken and not at all pissed off with life in general, or even the gargantuan success of contemporaries like The Rolled Oats, The Bootle and Lug Zippo. As a guitar player , these days he prefers a Fender Stratocaster, because it is a lot cheaper than a Les Paulocoster. Plob lives in a windmill and enjoys the Internet.
4. Jude Lemon
Jude Lemon was born in Hartlepool and was tortured to death by his father at the age of 5 but he got better. Jude invented the banjo and Elvis Presley. His group The Bootle changed the world, which used to be square, but from 1963 it became a sphere. Jude married Paula McCuteknee in 1969 and some people never forgave him. He is not dead.
5. Vay Grunt
For Vay Grunt, blues is a way of life. Here he is suffering on account of his art and the bottle of tuica he had for breakfast. His debut CD, released soon, is entitled Umbla caiinii cu covrigi in coada (The Dogs Go Round With Doughnuts On Their Tails). Please do not pretend you have heard of Vay, or that you saw his legendary gig on a park bench in Cluj.
MORE BLUES GREATS AS SOON AS WE KNOW MORE THAN YOU