Italian Prime Minister Slippery Berluscampi says he did not pay for sex with miners.
However, Italian persecutors claim that Mr Berluscampi would regularly invite miners to VIP parties at his luxury home on the exclusive island of Ravioli, where they would take off their tin hats, show him their sandwiches and shine their lamps in all sorts of places.
Later, they were paid thruppence and they bloody well earned it, lad.
Above: Just some of the miners allegedly invited to VIP parties. Please note famous left-handed spade player Paul McCoalseam, seated, front row. He’s now back in the USSR.
Above: Smokin’ Salvatore Arkwright - a regular guest at VIP parties?
Below: Fabio Ramsbottom claims he was paid to bend over and say “Where’s me canary?”
However, Mr. Berulscampi insists that he does not know any miners and he has never even been underground, except in a car park where he did not steal any bloody hubcaps, before you start. The tanned Italian premier added: “Mama mia. This is giving me a headache.”
Mr Berluscampi’s wife, the Contessa de Lego, said: “Ti piace PlayStation? “
Above: Contessa de Lego relaxing at home with the man she calls ‘Pumpkin’
[with thanks to Vlad A. Arghir for 'persecutors']