Famous footballer Bobby Shrek says he is not scared of Liverpool. He is talking donkeys.
Even Liverpool fans are scared of Liverpool.
Monthly Archives: April 2010
Kagame arrests Kagame
Rwandan President Paul Kagame has arrested himself.
He says it has nothing to do with an argument he had with Rwandan President Paul Kagame.
Mr Kagame has been charged with divisionism, subtractionism, and multiplicationism.
However, Presidential elections are due in August and he is expected to win by a landslide. He would also win by an avalanche but there is no snow in Rwanda.
Last year in Kigali, two TV weather girls were executed by 2-hour speech, for saying they saw a cloud on the horizon.
Paul Kagame invented the Internet and recently increased the salaries of his Presidential Brigade – the soldiers responsible for guarding the president – but not those of other military personnel.
Despite being in trouble, he is not in trouble.
Pope blames orange shirts
Pope Benedict XVI says orange shirts were to blame for Barca losing 3-1 to Inter Mourinho.
Speaking from an igloo in the Vatican, the Pope said: “Spain is a Catholic country, orange is a Protestant colour, and God is very unhappy.”
He has urged Catholics not to eat any oranges, and says that whoever invented them must do penance and it was probably a pagan.
Lionel Messidesk has been arrested and charged with Only Having One Foot.
Pope Guardiola XVI was unavailable for comment because he was having his woolly pullover removed.
Kittens Cause Volcanoes says Iran
Kittens are responsible for eruption of the volcano in Iceland , a senior Iranian cleric has said.
Yewhafgot Tubby Jokkingh told worshippers in Tehran last Friday that they had to stick to strict codes of kittens to protect themselves.
“Many kittens have big ears and they probably heard rumbles underground but did not tell us,” he said.
“What can we do to avoid being buried under lava? There is no other solution but to get up at 4am and sing Death to All Kittens,” he said.
Here is a picture of a kitten causing air chaos all over the world and just look at those ears.
That’s all from the Pussian Empire.
Top Sikrit
The production of the next James Bond film has been suspended “indefinitely” because of uncertainty over the future of film company MGM, producers say, and they are not fibbers.
This means Top Actor Daniel Vague may soon be Unemployed and down to his last Ferrari. Please send donations so he can Stop the Baddies.
Meanwhile, US President Sir Rah Palin says he is doing everything he can to help, but we have to be patients.
That’s all from the Rose Garden.
Pope Benedict says Catholics and Rafa Benitez must ‘do penance’
Pope Benedict XVI has called on Roman Catholics and Rafa Benitez to “do penance” for their sins, an apparent reference to the recent child sexual abuse scandal and Liverpool Football Club’s imminent failure to qualify for the Champions League.
He said Catholics and Rafa were “under attack from most of the world, and half of Anfield, which talks to us of our sins”, and should see the necessity “to recognise what is wrong in their lives and our fricken team”.
Sir Alex Lucifer was unavailable for comment because he is in hell.
That’s all from the sportsdesk
Hendrix’ last verses
the story of life
is quicker than a wink of an eye
the story of love
is hello and goodbye
until we meet again
These are the last lyrics composed by Jimi Hendrix, at Monika Dannemon’s flat in London, on the night of his death.
Apparently, he was still alive when the medics put him in the ambulance. Go figure, as they say in Seattle.
Come All Ye Faithful
With thanks to Nick S and Tim M, of London UK.
Sockettes our Sudanese Streetcat @ munchtime
This is a Repeat
Rafa tells it like it isn’t.
Praise Be Upon Him.
